Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
