why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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