I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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