He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think my moral compass just broke
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize