This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
