this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
