It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
