I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
