I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize