Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
