if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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