Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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