I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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