so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
