youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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