I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
