Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
