Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize