was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
