dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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