I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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