Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
