Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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