Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
