I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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