am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
