Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
