very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My penis needs a shock collar
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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