Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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