Sry I called you an 8
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
