shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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