either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
