I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
