Pants 0. Shit 1.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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