I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
