dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
