if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
