I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
