dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
