i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
