STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
this hospital has no fireball
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
