census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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