It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
