Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize