ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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