its not stalking. its research.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
