i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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