the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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