we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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