dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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