Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
