I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
