Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize