I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
