How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
