My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
