That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
