end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
