hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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