i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
