My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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