We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
