Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
