Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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