Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
