I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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