i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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