Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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