If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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