my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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