I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
