and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
