Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
