you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
