I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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