Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
