Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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