like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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