I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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