once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
