She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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