So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
