if i can run in heels then i can drive
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
