if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
