Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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