i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize