No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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