She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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