I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
