I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
